Well it's Saturday night or Sunday morning, depending on how you look at it. The last day or two has been pretty busy. Our triplet sons moved into their own place yesterday! I guess that is one advantage to being triplets, they worked together in order to move into a nice home. It is a doublewide, in a nice park. My wife and I are very happy and excited for them. The move has taken my mind off of my problems for most of the day yesterday and today. I am sad to see them go, but know it is time for them to spread their wings. Sleep has not crept up on me tonight. I feel totally awake. I'm not sure why this is. Anyway, I am upbeat with my sons getting their first place, so things are kind of cool at the moment. It feels good to be out of the funk. Maybe I can find a way to stay in this state of mind. That would be awesome.

I am torn with the decision as to taking medication...

The hospital has diagnosed me as bi-polar II. I think that the diagnosis is wrong or at least partially wrong. They want me to take a mood stabilizer. I don't drink and I don't take drugs outside of occasional ibuprofen or something similar for an ache. I think that I am more of an ADHD case with moderate depression right now. I am really lost as to deciding whether to take the pills or not. The side effects seem minimal, but any side effect bothers me. What to do....

Guess what I actually did today...

I woke up before noon today. That was a very good start on my day! I actually achieved getting dressed today. I went outside to the garage and then helped my son check out his brakes on his car. I have not napped today either. Wow! I haven't found much to jump for joy for today, but it has been a better day than most lately.

Suicide is NOT an option!

No, I'm not thinking about suicide. What I am thinking about is how many people in this country are in the same boat that I am. I have worked for most of the last 35 years or better and now have nothing to show for it. I guess that I am overstating things a bit. I have my family and they are wonderful human beings! My wife of 27+ years is the best thing that ever happened to me. I have triplet 19 year old sons and they have turned out to be some fine young men. What I have lost are all of things in my world that had a monetary value. I know that many would say that material things can come and go, but the people in our lives is what it is all about. Well this is true, to an extent. Living without an income and facing the failures that lead to losing everything else is devastating. I have always been a personable guy, that was never really all that down much. Most people liked that I was level headed and grounded. They would tell me that I brought balance to their lives in many cases. Well, I don't feel so grounded right now. I have been seeking help with my depressive state lately. I never thought that I would be facing these issues. I am though. I have been sleeping a bit more than my eight hours a night lately. I have been sleeping anywhere from 11 to 18 hours many days in the past few months. I feel that there is very little to get out of bed for. My anxiety levels are also on the rise. Claustrophobia has been a real issue lately. I had to have a MRI this week and that was interesting to say the least. (Even with a dose of Xanax) I got through it though. Thank God that it was just my head and chest going in that tube. I am living in my house from day to day. I have gone through the foreclosure process and now am waiting for the eviction process to start. I have not had a paycheck in over 8 months. Wow! Time sure does fly when you sleep so much. Anyway, there are a lot of us out there right now. I just want to say to those that are at the end of their wits over similar circumstances... "Hang in there. Suicide is NOT an option." If you are having any thoughts of suicide, seek help immediately, do not wait.